Hi Nathan :)I absolutely love you chose the ghosts at Disney Land for your storybook project! Those ghost stories are basically the equivalent of modern day folklore. Your introduction made me wonder even more about the actual stories you're going to post. You definitely have a knack for back cover writing! The way you flow from definitive facts to presenting the upcoming stories gave it that "fiction presented as non-fiction" vibe, and I am definitely here for that. It's one of my favorite types of fiction.The only thing I would suggest changing is the second sentence in your third paragraph. You use a lot of "them" and "they," so I would pair those down. The sentence's phrasing also gets awkward in the second half. I recommend breaking it up into two sentences. Maybe something like, "While every attraction mentioned in this Storybook is still active, workers booted some spirits from their attraction as they destroyed the sites. The spirits could now be wandering the park, searching for a new place to call home."Another thing I like about your storybook is its focus on Disney Land instead of World. I grew up very close to Disney World, and rarely did I hear about the other park unless something terrible happened on the property. Because of that, I really like how Disney Land is getting the spotlight here.
Hey Nathan!I think this storybook is awesome! To start, I really enjoyed the cover images you used, and how they are different on each page. I also really enjoyed reading the context you provided. I'm not a huge Disney fan like many people, so this concept is somewhat new to me. I really appreciate how in depth your introduction goes. I think your site is very easy to navigate and I cannot wait to come back and read more!
Hi Nathan! I thought it was really neat that you picked Disney as the theme of your project. The title and the home banner image go great together! And I especially love the alliteration in your title. The introduction does a brilliant job of firstly explaining what the project is about. After some background into Disney World, and it's famed nickname as "Happiest Place in the World" you have a great transition. From here, I like how you name drop some of the spirits to give the readers a glimpse of what's to come. I think name-dropping like that and mentioning specific rides or parts of the park will work really well to pique your reader's interest. Some people are familiar with your setting, so that could make it even more fun as well: people will be able to see your imagery vividly. I think this concept is a really cool one and one that will be fun to write and read about! great work, I can't wait to read the stories!
Hi Nathan! I was so excited when I saw the title of your storybook project! It immediately drew me in! I grew up going to Disneyland as a kid, so I am glad I didn't know about these ghost stories then haha! I loved the banner image you chose for your introduction of the castle with ominous lighting. It was very spooky! Everyone knows Disney as "The Happiest Place in the World," so this story allows you to tap into a whole new realm: Disney gone dark! How did you decide on this topic? Is each story you write going to be a new haunted attraction of the park? I would suggest somehow tying all the stories together and giving details on specific rides in the park where the incidents have happened. Maybe even include quotes from park guests who have experienced these hauntings. Also, I would suggest adding another image to your introduction to jazz it up a bit! Overall, great job! I look forward to reading the stories you come up with!
Hey Nathan! Your cover photo of Cinderella Castle is beautiful and striking, and draws the reader in from the get go. I would maybe recommend bolding the title. I did that on my website, and it just helps it stand out a little more. Your short introduction on the homepage works wonders for your theme of Grim Grinning Ghosts (love the alliteration by the way), as it is almost eerie and not descriptive when you just say "stories of those who perished." Very nice. I really enjoyed your main introduction as well. It is so well written, I wanted to jump right in and read your stories (I can not wait until you post those)! Briefly mentioning some of the ghosts and rides allows the readers to connect with the upcoming stories, especially if they have been to Disneyland or Disneyworld. For example, I love the Matterhorn and Big Thunder, so I can not wait to see what you write about those!
Hi Nathan! I thought your concept for the storybook was great! I love the idea of the haunted amusement park, but on an operating one instead of an abandoned one. There's opportunity for so many amazing stories! I really kind of terrible when it comes or horror or haunted anything, but it's a really cool idea so I'm excited to see what kind of stories you post. I definitely never thought of Disneyland that way and will probably never see it the same way again. I also really liked the photo you picked, it fits perfectly by being unassuming at first, but once you read the intro it starts to feel more ominous. I thought the intro was well written, it was concise and got your point across effortlessly. I think the language also sets the tone really well for the stories that will follow, so that's great too!
Hi Nathan!I really love the concept you chose for this story. I think people definitely do think of Disneyland as the "happiest place on earth" so I think twisting the story and talking about ghosts being there is very creative. I am actually from California. I love Disneyland and grew up going there so I am very excited to read your stories. I am also very excited because some of the rides you mentioned in your introduction happen to be some of my favorite rides at the park. I also think you wrote the introduction well because you did a good job of making it sound a little creepy as well. I also really liked the photos you chose because I think both of those do show the park very well. Good job!
Hi Nathan!I am so excited for your storybook! I had an unhealthy obsession with Disney Ride related accidents and deaths when I was younger and learning that it was not all smiles and singing. It's quite interesting to think about such a happy place being haunted, but it is not unreasonable with all the things that happen there. If you haven't yet you should look into Disney's River Country and Discovery Island parks that are both now permanently closed. People have snuck in and taken some unsettling images of run down and defunct slides and bogs and jars with strange substances. If you need more stories I know there was a woman who had a terrifying and tragic accident in i believe America Sings, people scattering ashes in the haunted mansion, and one of two boys who tried to spend the night on Tom Sawyer's Island. I cannot wait to keep up with your blog and see what stories you decide to write about.
Hi Nathan,Okay, first off, I am SUPER OBSESSED with your storybook! I am the biggest Disney fanatic and the home page immediately brought a smile to my face. However, I am more of a Disney World gal than a Disneyland.I love that you are focusing in on the Haunted Mansion and the cute ghosts! I feel like they are very under appreciated so I am very excited to be reading more about them. Big Thunder and Space Mountain are both my ALL-TIME favorite rides at Disney, so I am very very excited to read your stories on those two!After reading your introduction, I am getting major Kingdom Keepers vibes. Did you ever read that series by Ridley Pearson? I loved it growing up!Keep up the great work! Your storybook is definitely my favorite so far and I am genuinely looking forward to reading more about the Haunted Mansion ghosts this fall!-Libby
I love those books! I read the first few in high school, and in the last couple of years we've bought almost all of them. Once I graduated I kind of forgot about them and to get back into them. I think I need to start over from the beginning and read the whole series this time sometime soon!
Hi Nathan!This is such a creative idea for your storybook. I grew up in California and Disneyland has such a special place in my heart, so the grim grinning ghosts title really grabbed me. I also loved the dialogue. I, too, think "This isn't good," every time I ride Thunder Mountain... Ha! I liked how you brought in a family of characters to interact with Marcelo and the events in the story, but I thought they could have played more of a role in the story. There was a lot of dialogue with his mother, but the siblings weren't quite as close to the action. Perhaps they urge Marcelo to go on the ride, or mess with the lap bar ahead of time? This may add some foreshadowing to the ending. Overall, though, I love this storybook and will definitely come back to catch your other stories! Thanks for giving me a mini-vacay mid-pandemic!
Hi Nathan!I love the premise of your Storybook! The story that you included was intriguing as well! I loved the final line of it. There were a few grammatical errors like when the automated announcer says "Hang to your hats and glasses" instead of "Hang on to your hats and glasses" but the overall grammar was good. Another critique of mine is that it's a little confusing that you include the same story on every page instead of just the story page itself. I'm not sure but I think you need a separate introduction from your main story. I'm definitely intrigued by the ideas that you've got here though and your execution is pretty solid. I would suggest adding more background as to where you intend to take this Storybook and then you'll be set. I'm sure you can make this as spooky as I anticipate it will be. Good job!
Looking back at it, I just saw that as well! It definitely was not there before, so I think some kind of error is going on. I'll look into it and see if I can fix it.
Hi Nathan!Holy cow this was so awesome! You told me a little about this in class the other day and I’m so happy I’ve gotten to read it because wow it’s so good! The introduction alone had me so freaking excited to read more! I found myself wondering, “Wait, no way, have people really died in the park and on rides?!” That’s insane! Your intro was so good and really pulls the reader in to want to read more! Your first story had me hooked as well. I found myself feeling worried along with Marcelo. If I ever heard a ride makes noises like that I would’ve lost my marbles getting everyone’s attention. I wanted to yell at his mom for him and be like “Um hello, lady, this isn’t normal were about to die!” Even though Marcelo was a brat the whole time to his family I totally felt so bad for him… What a crappy way to go, crushed by a roller coaster ride! Owww!
Hi Nathan!Your project on Disney is so exciting! I love your cover picture of Sleeping Beauty's castle at night. Then switching over to the entrance and main street train station for your intro feels like you are kind of welcoming us into the park. Your story about Big Thunder Mountain is great! You were building tension with Marcelo noticing things that felt wrong during the ride. The fact that his family remained unaware until the very end was wild and I am sure, horrifying for them. I wonder why Marcelo is a sort of malicious ghost, trying to mess up the ride versus a helpful spirit who might try to help out people who could get hurt on the ride like he did? I mean revenge and anger for sure. That's just something I thought about! I can't wait to see which ride you tell us about next! -Eli
Hey Nathan, I want to say right away that your storybook is such an amazing concept, and I can't wait to see more of it! I've only been to Disney like once when I was really young, so I don't get the hype around it, but what I enjoyed was the fact that your Disney is morbid, for lack of a better word. In a good way, of course, I like the haunting and horror aspect, especially when it's applied to a place that's traditionally seen as a happy escape. With all that said, your introduction was great because it set up everything nicely to transition to the first story. I'd be interested in maybe seeing more of the family's perspective after he dies, especially since the mom doesn't take her sons words seriously. Maybe that in itself is one of the reasons that he's a vengeful ghost? Anyway, I'm excited to read more of your ghost stories!
Turtle and Thunder Turtle lived alone in a lake Turtle would get hit by something several times, but didn’t know what it was (couldn’t see i...